The Grapes of Wreath

By on January 23, 2012 in design, DIY, humor, true story
Today is my sister’s birthday, so yesterday I surprised her: I left Charlottesville at the crack of dawn and drove six hours to the Dunkin Donuts where she works.

Her reaction was basically this, at which point I collapsed on the counter and had an emergency Dunkin Turbo shot directly into my veins.


Later we took a walk through my hometown and admired the wintery landscape, the lacy tree limbs and frosty porch lights and drunken Giants fans falling into the snow. Despite these simple pleasures, a thought kept tugging on the back of my mind:

TAKE DOWN YOUR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS, PEOPLE!

Now, I realize 95% of suburbanites follow basic human protocol and remove their sh*t by January 1st. It can be sad, taking down the pretty bows and bells and heirloom ornaments; it can be downright depressing, tossing that poor, used-up tree into the street. But if you or your loved ones have trouble letting go—or just want some festivity back in your life—Doctor Derby has your fix.


Make a wreath!


Yes, the solution is a ring of stuff hung from your front door. Nix the pine and ditch the orbs; there are a bazillion different ways you can celebrate the season—like, every season OTHER than Christmas.


Make it happy:

From blog.tiffanyzajas.com
Or hopeful:
From centsationalgirl.com
Or pretentious:
From hgtv.com
Just make it appealing to you. I would kill to mush around a neighborhood spotted with personalized dashes of color; it would help me feel like I knew my fellow townspeople.
Can’t you just imagine the difference between these people?

Person A: 

From thepaintedhive.blogspot.com

Person B:

From kk.org
Clearly A is a farmer and B is a toddler. Nice neighborhood!


Seriously, I can’t overstate how easy it is to make a wreath.  (You can also make it super-complicated, in which case you should read someone else’s blog.) Here is my three-step guide to wreathing:

                
                   1. Go to the Dollar Store and buy what appeals to you.
                   2. Go to a craft store and buy a glue gun and a foam ring. (You could also bend a wire 
                        hanger into a circle.)
                   3. Arrange your frou-frou and glue it in place. Don’t forget to attach a loop or hook to 
                         hang that baby.
That’s it! So easy, so much fun.

 I’m speaking from personal experience here. I decided to make a Valentine’s wreath last week, and look at how perfect it (I) is (am):

Bedford Falls, here we come!

4 Responses to The Grapes of Wreath

  1. elle January 23, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH
    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN
    I can’t wait to see how perfect it (you?) is (are?)

    Reply
  2. Jenna January 23, 2012 at 5:15 pm #

    I love wreaths too! Although I have to object to the Jan. 1 rule. I absolutely refuse to take down Christmas decorations until Jan 6 because that is the Epiphany/3 Kings Day, aka the 12th day of Christmas. After that, have at it! But Christmas isn’t officially over till then, and its a nice excuse to enjoy the decorations just a little longer!

    Reply
  3. Stephanie January 23, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

    That wreath you made is amazing! And I love the idea of non-Christmas wreaths. I may have to make a trip to Joann’s…

    Reply
  4. Doctor Derby January 23, 2012 at 8:31 pm #

    @Jenna: to be fair, I totally agree with the 12 days of Christmas (and true story, I didn’t take down my decorations until last weekend. So I’m a complainer without morals!). I totally thought of you re: the toy wreath!
    @Stephanie: seriously the best Dollar Store I have ever been to (and I’ve been to TONS of them) is in the Pantops shopping center! lmk if you ever want to do a crafting day!

    Reply

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