Personally, I did not read Fifty Shades of Grey (nor do I intend to), but I was delighted to hear the hilarious lowdown from Ron Charles, a book critic for The Washington Post. After Publisher’s Weekly announced author EL James won 2011 Publishing Person of the Year, Charles put together his take on the je ne sais quoi that made the British writer so noteworthy.
Thanks to Poets & Writers for sharing this.
Last night I went to a party.
An open bar and buffet combo kicked off Year Four of the Future Fund, a giving circle in which Boyfriend participates. It’s a very progressive, very democratic approach to philanthropy that works as follows:
1. A group of hip young people contribute several hundred dollars each.
2. Said people vote on the category of charities they’d like to support that year. (Past examples include heathcare, “the youth”, etc.)
3. These hip young people solicit grant applications from local charities in said category. Thanks to the magic of pooled resources, these grants usually hit the $50,000 mark.
4. With infinite patience, the Future Fund grants committee culls applications to the Top Three.
5. Everyone votes for their favorite, and the winning organization makes good on their proposal.
Pretty awesome, right? I sat in on a meeting last year and realized there is no way I could ever do it. We debated some basic formatting questions about the application, and it took our committee three hours to make two decisions. One of which was still up for debate.
Anyway, I spent last night hobnobbing with some beautiful, infinitely patient Future Fund members and eating an inordinate amount of cheese.
A local DJ killed the turntables, gold and fuschia lights sparkled overhead, and a high-velocity fan blew everyone’s hair into glamorous, shining waves. Whilst surrounded by people who looked like this:
Yours Truly managed, via humidity and a poorly-executed ponytail, to look like this:
God bless everyone else, without whom we would have neither non-profits nor functional democracy. Amusement was my charitable donation for the evening.
Looking good so far. On a side note:
Visitors welcome!
Step 3. Mix the ingredients together.
Form this mixture into small, gnocchi-shaped lumps. Be sure to flour the countertop on which you work, so once you’ve ruined dinner, you have a significant mess to clean up.
Mine did not look like this.
Step 4. Bring a pot of water to a boil.
This is not a picture of boiling water. You should know how to boil water, for Godssakes.Step 5. Carefully drop the gnocchi into the boiling water. Watch the lumps burst apart like kamakazie foodstuffs, et voila!
Enjoy the bitter taste of dissatisfaction as you wash your pot, cutting board, mixing bowl, countertop, and proceed to cry yourself to sleep.
…
…
…
But wait!
What’s that I see? That brilliant flash at the back of the fridge? Is that…could it be…
A TUBE OF PILLSBURY CRESCENT RECIPE CREATIONS® SEAMLESS DOUGH?
OK, this is a bad picture too. Whatever. I think the moral of the story is that with a little creativity, time, effort, prepackaged dough, shredded cheese and a very forgiving stomach, you, too, can become a culinary mastermind. Godspeed!
Her reaction was basically this, at which point I collapsed on the counter and had an emergency Dunkin Turbo shot directly into my veins.
Later we took a walk through my hometown and admired the wintery landscape, the lacy tree limbs and frosty porch lights and drunken Giants fans falling into the snow. Despite these simple pleasures, a thought kept tugging on the back of my mind:
Now, I realize 95% of suburbanites follow basic human protocol and remove their sh*t by January 1st. It can be sad, taking down the pretty bows and bells and heirloom ornaments; it can be downright depressing, tossing that poor, used-up tree into the street. But if you or your loved ones have trouble letting go—or just want some festivity back in your life—Doctor Derby has your fix.
Make a wreath!
Yes, the solution is a ring of stuff hung from your front door. Nix the pine and ditch the orbs; there are a bazillion different ways you can celebrate the season—like, every season OTHER than Christmas.
Make it happy:
Person A:
From thepaintedhive.blogspot.com
From kk.org
Clearly A is a farmer and B is a toddler. Nice neighborhood!
Seriously, I can’t overstate how easy it is to make a wreath. (You can also make it super-complicated, in which case you should read someone else’s blog.) Here is my three-step guide to wreathing:
I’m speaking from personal experience here. I decided to make a Valentine’s wreath last week, and look at how perfect it (I) is (am):
Bedford Falls, here we come!
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